Attachment

The Meaning of Things

In the immediate aftermath of October 7th 2023, I spoke with many people who had suffered their own losses from that day. We were all barely able to comprehend what had happened. Someone told me that things and possessions can be replaced and that I should be grateful to be alive. I understood what they were saying and where they were coming from. 

I loved things, musical instruments, watches, gadgets and so on. I know that I can replace these items like for like as  and when the time comes. It’s all the things that can’t replaced that cause me the greatest pain.

We lost a treasure trove of memories and keepsakes from our entire life. We always kept stuff that held meaning to us and valued on a level that, perhaps, others would not. Heirlooms, gifts to each other form anniversaries and birthdays, souvenirs from our various trips abroad. There were very few things in our house that didn’t have an emotional and sentimental attachment. We openly poured  hearts into the home we had build together and everything in it.

Holding onto the Past

I have always been attracted to old things. From my childhood I was always fascinated by antiques that would grace the homes of my grandparents. I had a great respect for the idea that family history is kept alive through the handing down of heirlooms from one generation to the next.

When my grandparents passed away they left behind all the things that they had collected over their lifetime together. I was fortunate to have been able to choose a few items that I would become custodian to until it was time to pass then on to my children. I had these items on display in a cabinet in the dining room along side a few keepsakes that belonged to my late father.

I would walk passed this cabinet each day on my way to the kitchen and simply acknowledge their lives as a way to ground myself in this moment. A reminder of how our time is the most precious resource we have. Each item had its own story attached to it. A box my father had made, a magnifying glass from my grandfather and some woodworking tools form my fathers workshop. I had a pair of ornate, handmade wine glasses that commemorated my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary as well as many other bits and pieces.

All of these things were destroyed on October 7th 2023. This history became history.

What will I Leave behind?

I have expensive taste, I mean that I have always understood that quality usually come at a price. I have always wanted the best for so many reasons. I am not sure where this behavior comes from but I was always aware that things always used to be much better made in times gone by and to find that level of quality nowadays usually meant that it would be expensive.

I rarely compromised when it came to buying quality, be it whiskey or the glasses that I would drink from. I always wanted the best. Part of my rationale for buying the best was that, some day, I would depart this world and that whatever I left behind would be cherished my children and their children to come. Much in the same way as I had inherited heirlooms from my ancestors.

I had so many things that I wanted to have passed on to my children, so many things. All these things signified facets of my life and illustrated who I was and what made me tick. Items that described my interests and my passion for life.

Everything I have collected was destroyed. I have nothing left to pass on. Everything that surrounded my children as they grew up is now gone. All is now confined to memory and whatever pictures that endure in backups and clouds. Nothing lasts forever. 

My Lost Legacy

I have written a lot about all that was lost on October 7th 2023. All that had been build in our lives, destroyed, never to be returned. Life these days is very different. As I write, I reconnect with so many memories of a life long gone. The grief in deep and the mourning long. Does the pain lessen over time or do we simple replace that pain with whatever joy we are able to muster if any? I feel like my ship has been cast adrift and is at the mercy of the mighty currents of life. 

Taking control of my ship is paramount to sailing to a brighter future. My ship had set harbour in Beeri and there I set up home. My anchor firm set without any plan to move on. October 7th 2023 changed everything. There are no end of analogies I could use but uprooted also springs to mind. Our lifes work destroyed in an instant. Any roots we had established just ripped out without warning.