The Strength Within

Building my Strength 

Part of my life prior to October 7th 2023 was maintaining my level of fitness. The stage of life I was at and the realization that I wasn’t getting any younger meant that now was the time to get into better shape. Our home had an upstair open studio area where I had set up my home gym. I had an elliptical cross-fit trainer and some weights. I used to train every day. I was in the best shape of my life.

Post October 7th 2023 my focus was elsewhere. Survival and basic maintenance were the order of the day. After a few weeks in the David Hotel, I learned that there was a gym on the ground floor. I started using it and began to regain my sense of strength. Feeling strong physically helped to mask my lack of mental strength. It kind of supported me, carried me as it were, through this rough times we were experiencing.

Moving to Ein Gedi disrupted my gym routine so that was put on hold for a while. I managed to fit in some bodyweight sessions but my overall fitness took a hit. I know from my life experience that being fit in body helps tremendously with mental strength. The two go hand in hand.

Moving Out

We spent two months in the Hotel in Ein Gedi. We had the opportunity to move to a house in the kibbutz. A friend of mine wanted to move out of his fathers house and said it would be available if we are interested in renting it. We jumped at the chance to start living a normal life again. Six months on and we are still here, living a kind of normal life until we need to move on. Ein Gedi in the summer is pretty unbearable temperature wise. If it wasn’t for the heat and its remote location, I would consider living here permanently.

Maintaining Ones Sanity

The process of gaining a foothold in life is one that most of us manage without too much trouble. Usually life has a way of unfolding and we choose our paths as they reveal themselves. I thought I had got everything figured out and I was content with the life I had built for myself.

I was never one of those people who always knew what they wanted to be when they grew up. Part of my conditioning as a child was that you chose your path whilst still in school and followed that path through university and on into the professional world. 

I did however know where I stood in the universe. I was living life with a great sense of gratitude for all that surrounded me. I knew how to look after my sanity.

On the days of and weeks following October 7th 2023, the magnitude of the situation became clearer and clearer. Life would never return to to the way it was. It was like my hard-drive had gotten corrupted and very little data could be retrieved. Only fragments if our beautiful life remained. There was nothing left and no way to get anything back.

Picking Up The Pieces

Just as I had searched through the ashes for pieces of our beautiful life, I was also trying to collect the broken pieces of my “self” and reassemble them into something I could recognize.

I slowly started to gravitate towards the things I used to do in my spare time. Theses days in the hotel gave me a lot of free time. I started to go to the gym which had an immediate effect on my mental state. I felt stronger and therefore better able to hold things together with varying levels of success.

Playing guitar was pivotal to my mental rehabilitation. Now that I have acquired several guitars I was, at least able, to return to the zone within which I could find that ever elusive peace of mind. This peace of mind seldom lasted long as music also was a constant reminder of all I had lost.

Music for me is one of my primary forms of expression. I feel that it captures whatever state of mind I am in at the time I create music. I have as of writing this, created several new pieces of music each of which reminds me of the mental states I have experienced since October 7th 2023.

It hasn’t been an easy task to write and record new music. In our home in Beeri, I has a state of the art music recording studio along with a comprehensive collection of musical instruments. It was setup in such a way that I could enter my studio and be recording within minutes.

These days creating music is less easy but doable. Less comfortable but not impossible. The creature comforts as it were, have long gone and will take time to return. I am so grateful for what I have and I will forever be thankful for everyone who has help me to get to where I am today. Donations have come from some very unexpected sources and I couldn’t be more grateful than I am right now.

From sitting in the hotel with just a guitar to being able to record and compose music like I used to is solid progress indeed.